So, reader, we’ve known each other for a while now. And frankly, it seems to me that you know nothing at all about how to live your life. I’m convinced that I’m a better person than you. Am I right? Take this quiz to find out!
- Why are you still washing all your clothes in hot water?
- Why haven’t you been flossing daily?
- Do you seriously think it’s sometimes okay to buy cage eggs?
- When are you going to make a budget and actually stick to it?
- You know, you might achieve something with your life if you made an effort.
- What is the point of apologising after you’ve already done all these stupid things?
I don’t value the environment, particularly trees, animals and clean air.
I don’t value the environment, particularly trees, animals and clean air.
I don’t value the environment, particularly trees, animals and clean air.
My power bill would be lower if I stopped using hot water, but I don’t seem to understand that.
My power bill would be lower if I stopped using hot water, but I don’t seem to understand that.
My power bill would be lower if I stopped using hot water, but I don’t seem to understand that.
I want to destroy my clothes faster. Maybe the clothing factory child slaves will then have to produce more clothes and hopefully get injured.
I want to destroy my clothes faster. Maybe the clothing factory child slaves will then have to produce more clothes and hopefully get injured.
I want to destroy my clothes faster. Maybe the clothing factory child slaves will then have to produce more clothes and hopefully get injured.
I’m sorry. From now on I will use cold water for most of my washing so I can be more like you.
I’m sorry. From now on I will use cold water for most of my washing so I can be more like you.
I’m sorry. From now on I will use cold water for most of my washing so I can be more like you.
I am hoping my chronic low-grade gum inflammation will give me heart problems, meaning I won’t waste as much oxygen by living my pointless life.
I am hoping my chronic low-grade gum inflammation will give me heart problems, meaning I won’t waste as much oxygen by living my pointless life.
I am hoping my chronic low-grade gum inflammation will give me heart problems, meaning I won’t waste as much oxygen by living my pointless life.
If I don’t have ugly bits of crap stuck between my teeth, people won’t recognise me.
If I don’t have ugly bits of crap stuck between my teeth, people won’t recognise me.
If I don’t have ugly bits of crap stuck between my teeth, people won’t recognise me.
The minor immediate pain of flossing outweighs the enormous long-term dental health benefits.
The minor immediate pain of flossing outweighs the enormous long-term dental health benefits.
The minor immediate pain of flossing outweighs the enormous long-term dental health benefits.
I’m sorry. From now on I will floss daily so I can be more like you.
I’m sorry. From now on I will floss daily so I can be more like you.
I’m sorry. From now on I will floss daily so I can be more like you.
Yes. Cage conditions can’t be that bad. I mean, I live in a small apartment and I’m fine.
Yes. Cage conditions can’t be that bad. I mean, I live in a small apartment and I’m fine.
Yes. Cage conditions can’t be that bad. I mean, I live in a small apartment and I’m fine.
Yes. The yolky taste of despair in my misery egg omelet starts my day right.
Yes. The yolky taste of despair in my misery egg omelet starts my day right.
Yes. The yolky taste of despair in my misery egg omelet starts my day right.
Yes. If we start treating hens like they have feelings, I’m genuinely worried we’ll end up giving them the vote.
Yes. If we start treating hens like they have feelings, I’m genuinely worried we’ll end up giving them the vote.
Yes. If we start treating hens like they have feelings, I’m genuinely worried we’ll end up giving them the vote.
I’m sorry. From now on I will buy only free range eggs so I can be more like you.
I’m sorry. From now on I will buy only free range eggs so I can be more like you.
I’m sorry. From now on I will buy only free range eggs so I can be more like you.
I won’t. Budgets are for people who prefer financial security to living in reckless squalor, scorned by all humanity.
I won’t. Budgets are for people who prefer financial security to living in reckless squalor, scorned by all humanity.
I won’t. Budgets are for people who prefer financial security to living in reckless squalor, scorned by all humanity.
Maybe never, because, Gee Willickers, I’d hate to waste five minutes going over my finances now when I could just lose months of sleep over my ruinous circumstances later.
Maybe never, because, Gee Willickers, I’d hate to waste five minutes going over my finances now when I could just lose months of sleep over my ruinous circumstances later.
Maybe never, because, Gee Willickers, I’d hate to waste five minutes going over my finances now when I could just lose months of sleep over my ruinous circumstances later.
I doubt I ever will, because when I want things, I have to have them. I’m a giant infant.
I doubt I ever will, because when I want things, I have to have them. I’m a giant infant.
I doubt I ever will, because when I want things, I have to have them. I’m a giant infant.
I’m sorry. From now on I will plan my monthly expenses so I can be more like you.
I’m sorry. From now on I will plan my monthly expenses so I can be more like you.
I’m sorry. From now on I will plan my monthly expenses so I can be more like you.
No, thanks. And that’s not a question.
No, thanks. And that’s not a question.
No, thanks. And that’s not a question.
No. Effort would take too much effort.
No. Effort would take too much effort.
No. Effort would take too much effort.
Trust me, I wouldn’t. Whether or not I try, I’m useless.
Trust me, I wouldn’t. Whether or not I try, I’m useless.
Trust me, I wouldn’t. Whether or not I try, I’m useless.
I’m sorry. From now on I will make an effort so I can be more like you.
I’m sorry. From now on I will make an effort so I can be more like you.
I’m sorry. From now on I will make an effort so I can be more like you.
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
Please stop!
Please stop!
Please stop!
Leave me alone.
Leave me alone.
Leave me alone.
I’m sorry. From now on I will only apologise to you when you tell me it is appropriate.
I’m sorry. From now on I will only apologise to you when you tell me it is appropriate.
I’m sorry. From now on I will only apologise to you when you tell me it is appropriate.
You’re not as good a person as I am!
As I suspected, you are utterly incompetent and dependent on me to tell you how to live properly. Next time you start to feel self-esteem, let me know so I can remind you why you don’t deserve it.
You’re not as good a person as I am, but at least you realise It!
I’m so glad you’re finally listening to me and getting serious about becoming more like me. I can’t trust you to change by yourself, so when you’re ready for more sanctimonious pointers on how to be more like me, just come within earshot! Awesome!
